i don't have a memory that krystal isn't in the background of. i don't remember a time without her. she was a part of our family for sixteen years of my life, and now she is gone.

the veterinarian put her to sleep at 5:20 p.m. on august 30. one moment she was looking right at me and thirty seconds later her head was rolling to the side and she was asleep. dead. asleep then dead. it took me a while to gather the energy to walk across the room and touch her. she felt exactly the same except she wasn't pushing back against my hand.

and that's when it clicked for me. the dog lying on the floor wasn't krystal. yes, it was her body and yes, a few minutes prior it had been a part of her, but it wasn't her. she had been released. i don't know to where and i don't know by what -- or, for that matter, if there even is a destination or an organizer -- but i know that she was gone from her body and no longer suffering.

i don't believe in much, but this has reinforced my belief in spirit. i watched her slip away and i know that a spark like she had couldn't have just fizzled out. rest in peace, krystal. you will be missed and loved always. <3


a basterd's work is never done

go see inglourious basterds. right now. it's amazing. leave it to quentin tarantino to completely fuck with historical accuracy and still create a film so convincingly authentic. you won't even remember what actually happened in ww2 once you step into tarantino's version. after all, who says hitler didn't attend movies virtually unprotected during the climax of the war? ww2 would've been crazy had it actually gone down like this.

"you probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' nazi business. and cousin, business is a-boomin'." -lt. aldo raine (played by brad pitt)


fart nuggets

i grew up listening to blink-182.  they were the first "angsty" music i listened to and, in some way, created a bridge from the "bubblegum pop" i had been spoon-fed to "pop punk" -- the first step towards all that is my current musical taste.  their hit list is staggering -- dammit, what's my age again, all the small things, adam's song, the rock show, first date, stay together for the kids, feeling this, and i miss you -- and each song on it can take me right back to age 14, 15, 16...

blink-182 was formed in 1992 by mark hoppus (vocals/bass), tom delonge (vocals/guitar), and scott raynor (drums), who was replaced by travis barker in 1998.  unfortunately, they split in 2005 when tom left the band.  for a while, all three members worked on other projects -- mark and travis formed +44 and tom fronted angels & airwaves -- but on february 8 of this year, they announced on their site, "to put it simply, we're back.  we mean, really back.  picking up where we left off and then some.  in the studio writing and recording a new album."

so they got back in the studio and took to the road.  and the welcome they have received is amazing -- blink has been missed.  and for good reason.  while all three members are amazing musicians in their own right, together, they form a group with universal appeal.  not only do they deal with real issues, they do it while telling fart jokes and saying "fuck" a lot.  and who doesn't like that?

needless to say as soon as tickets went on sale i bought mine.  it was amazinginfgidsnfoinhifo words can't describe.  even all the way in the back where i could just barely see the stage if i stood on my tip toes, the energy was insane.  at one point during the encore travis barker was lifted up on a round platform and spun around to a 90 degree angle to the stage... all while doing a drum solo.  unbelievable.  

they played all of their hits along with some of their older tunes, yet, amazingly, not one song lagged behind the others.  and, as per usual, there were fart jokes.  at one point, mark asked tom to say something "smart and witty," to which he replied, "...fart nuggets."  blink is back in full force.


and in that moment, i swear we were infinite.

last night i went to the movies with two of my best friends, katie, who i haven't seen in at least 6 or 7 months, and janette. we saw 500 days of summer which, even though this isn't technically a movie review, i would suggest you go see. it has a great concept, a great message, and great actors (joseph gordon-levitt and zooey deschanel).

on our way home from the theatre it began to storm. it had been hot and sticky all day, so the storm was, at least to begin with, just heat lightening. there's something beautiful about lightening without rain -- the otherwise uninterrupted darkness is cancelled out for a split second, allowing everything to be illuminated; most shocking because one doesn't expect the night to suddenly revert to day. it was still warm out, so katie and i rolled down our windows and blasted the radio. the combination of the most amazing lightening storm i'd ever seen, the much-needed reunion with my best friend, the wind in our hair, and the blasting of iris by the goo goo dolls was incredible. the only thing i can think to describe it is a quote from a book i read a number of years ago, the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky: "in that moment, i swear we were infinite."


the existentialism of blogging

i never thought it would happen. i'm blogging. i'm a blogger. i've never been the kind of person who kept a diary for any reason, which isn't to say i didn't try. i reluctantly recorded both of my trips to europe only because i knew i would be thanking myself later (i still haven't looked back at them). i also dabbled in diary keeping around the age of 13 which i don't even think i enjoyed doing at the time.

now, if you (the invisible audience) are anything like my dad, you're screaming "but you want to be a writer! how can you be a writer if you don't write every chance you get?!" my programed answer has always been "i don't know," because, truthfully, i didn't know. i still don't know why fully, but i think part of it is that i just don't see the appeal in writing down the monotonous, uneventful things that happen to me. i can remember only three occasions that i wrote about my life to relieve some sort of heightened emotion or work out what was going on in my head. they were very personal but very far from what i imagine constant diary-keeping to be.

and then late last night, i created a blog. why, you may be asking, would a girl so anti-diary and anti-writing-about-her-life be blogging? well, for one, my dad is right (as per usual). writers, or in my case, writer hopefuls, need to write. practice makes perfect, right? and secondly, i've been watching a few of my friends blog for a while now -- check them out on the right! -- and i figured it was time to jump on the bandwagon. after all, a blog isn't a diary so i won't be writing that much about my life -- just about my opinions on random shit. and who doesn't like preaching to an audience that can't protest?