spark

i don't have a memory that krystal isn't in the background of. i don't remember a time without her. she was a part of our family for sixteen years of my life, and now she is gone.

the veterinarian put her to sleep at 5:20 p.m. on august 30. one moment she was looking right at me and thirty seconds later her head was rolling to the side and she was asleep. dead. asleep then dead. it took me a while to gather the energy to walk across the room and touch her. she felt exactly the same except she wasn't pushing back against my hand.

and that's when it clicked for me. the dog lying on the floor wasn't krystal. yes, it was her body and yes, a few minutes prior it had been a part of her, but it wasn't her. she had been released. i don't know to where and i don't know by what -- or, for that matter, if there even is a destination or an organizer -- but i know that she was gone from her body and no longer suffering.

i don't believe in much, but this has reinforced my belief in spirit. i watched her slip away and i know that a spark like she had couldn't have just fizzled out. rest in peace, krystal. you will be missed and loved always. <3